The majority of my day was spent making my publishing clock. It isn’t a traditional clock or a timeline. It’s more about things you’ll do on the way to your goal…it’s from the SARK retreat that I attended yesterday. I spent so much time on it because it is important to me so I wanted to think about it and then I wanted it to look perfect. About halfway into it, I realized that it was perfect in its imperfection so I left all the stray marks and mistakes in place. That was hard for me to do. One thing that am not is an artist so what I picture in my head is never what ends up on the paper but when I write, what’s in my head flows right into the page. So there’s kind 
of a disconnect that occurs when I draw…my brain can’t quite reconcile my vision with the finished product. But this time, I didn’t let myself judge it. I just drew it, wrote my information in the spaces, decorated it, photographed it and then hit share in the retreat Facebook page. I’m going to hang in the Haven so that I’ll see it every day. This was a really great process. The final product is meaningful but the work that I put into the clock really helped me to internalize it. Everyone should do this.
Category: Inspiration
Day 99: SARK
I write a lot about SARK and her Succulent Wild World (SWW) and Rhapsody of Writing (ROW) programs so I thought I’d write a post about Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy for the people that don’t know her. She is an artist, author, inspirational speaker, mentor, and all around wise, wonderful person. She truly cares about the people that are in her orbit. I found her books back in the ’90s and have been hooked since reading the first one. I have all of her books and inspirational card sets. They are all lined up beside me here in my Magical Writing Haven. SWW is a wonderful group of creative people…authors and artists of all kinds. We have a Facebook group where we can share, ask for opinions, inspiration, and support from others. These people are a major part of my tribe and I think of them as my dear friends. I can be me with no filters, no makeup, messy hair, and all of the other things that I feel I need when I’m with people outside the group. Susan interacts with us there and reads every post. We meet twice a month on Zoom calls where we can support each other in real time through the chat feature and Susan mentors individuals one on one. We have some of the most amazing guest speakers who also mentor us. We break out into small groups during the last hour…they are called Dessert Groups. I have met people all around the world during this time. We talk about projects, family, work, problems, and anything else that comes up. It’s extremely intimate. The calls end at 10:00pm CST and I am usually so energized that I can’t sleep. It’s an amazing feeling. Then there’s ROW. It is a relatively small group and all of the people are also in SWW so we already had a connection prior to ROW. We also have a private Facebook group and for approximately 3 months, we have one Zoom call a month on Saturday. They last 5 hours and are called ReTreats. Susan mentors us, we set goals, make plans, talk about our projects, discuss issues we might be having, and support each other in the main group and in small groups. It has re-energized me as a writer. I am now optimistic about completing Rapture then pitching it to publishers or agents or self-publishing it. These groups have literally changed my life and it’s all thanks to SARK. So, if you’ve never heard of SARK before, check her out. Read one of her books. Most of them are hand-lettered and illustrated. They are a fun and inspirational read. A couple of her books are more serious but just as interesting and inspirational. I highly recommend that you get to know her. You’ll be glad that you did.
“Please, dream on…your dreams can change the world.” ~ SARK
Day 98: Things Change
Since I am an admitted pantser, I’m sure it won’t come as a big surprise to anyone that I rarely have a subject in mind when I sit down to write my blog. I’ve tried to put together a calendar with topics for this blog but so far that hasn’t really happened. I even bought a blogger’s calendar to help me with that but it’s still blank and probably will remain so. Usually, I just start writing…most of the time I don’t even title it until I’m finished because I don’t know what my main point will be when I start. Usually, it’s pulled straight from my life, experiences, and emotions. Yesterday, I was having a tough Inner Critic day so that’s what I wrote about. My blogs are sometimes pep talks that I need to hear, other times they are conciliatory, and some are kicks in the butt that I also need. I write about them here because I figure that if I need them, others might benefit from them as well. I realize that I have no great knowledge or wisdom to impart so I write about things that have helped me as well as things that have been an impediment. I don’t write to teach people the right way or the best way to do things. For every hard and fast rule there is about how to be a successful writer, there is a bestseller disproving that rule. Some of those rules are probably the reason that a lot of us feel as though we will never succeed as writers so we need to give ourselves permission to break the rules that are holding us back. We will do much better if we just sit down and write the book that we want to write…that we need to write. And when you begin to write, do it fast and recklessly. Don’t listen to critics while getting it onto the page…internal or external…just write. Forget about perfect grammar and form. Right now, we have a story to tell. After it’s written, then we’ll get out the grammar and style books but don’t make it so perfect that the heart and soul of the story are lost. Make it real so that readers can identify with it and the characters we’ve created. Write from the heart and soul…okay, and a little bit from the brain. Basically, when writing that first draft…tell the story. That’s all that really matters at that point. There will be time after it’s written to edit, rewrite, and correct grammar and spelling. So, for now, just write!
Day 97: Inner Critics
We all have an inner critic…that little voice in our head that tells us that we are going to fail at our endeavor, that we’ll never reach our goals, that we basically suck. Our ideas suck, our dreams suck, our aspirations suck…you get the idea. It tells us to pull back on our expectations, to just give up because we will never accomplish anything worthwhile. Sometimes it tells us those things in a kind concerned voice. It tells us that it’s just protecting us from failure and/or making a fool of ourselves. It stealthily undermines our self-confidence. Other times, it’s a stone cold bitch spewing pure venom and telling us that no one will ever love us, we’re too fat and ugly, we’re stupid, we have no talent, and we don’t deserve to have all the things about which we dream…that we will always be a failure so just accept it. The question that always comes to mind after my IC has laid into me is, would we let a so-called friend talk to us that way? Would we keep them in our lives if they undermined our creative efforts and told us over and over again that we were going to fail? I think (hope) that the answer is a collective NO. So, why do we keep letting that voice in our head play us like we’re marionettes…pulling our strings in all the wrong directions and leaving us dangling? Why do we believe anything that it says? We shouldn’t. The second that we hear that little voice, we need to tell it to get the hell out of our head. We have to stop paying attention to it and keep reaching for our dreams. But we all know that it’s not that easy. The closer we get to realizing our dreams, the louder and more desperate that voice becomes. That’s when we have to turn to our Inner Wise Self for guidance and encouragement. And we have to believe what it tells us because it knows what we’re capable of when we believe in ourselves and our dreams. So we must let our Inner Wise Self counter every single lie that our Inner Critic tells us. And just keep believing in ourselves and our creative talent. We might not be able to completely shut down our IC but we can definitely put up a fight and prove it wrong by continuing to pursue our dreams in spite of what it whispers in our ear and then crush it with our success. So, keep on dreaming and creating. We’ve got this.
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” ~ Vincent Van Gogh
Day 96: Not a Lot of Time
Rushed home from work after leaving later than planned. Took care of the ferals. Had to go out and hunt our new sort of tame ex-feral cat Smurf. And now I’m just relaxing for a moment before the SARK SWW call starts in 35 minutes. There will probably not be any writing tonight but I’m okay with that. I’m tired and my allergies are really bad…thank you, mountain cedar…and the call has creativity mixed in so I’m just going to go with it and hope that tomorrow is better. I thought about skipping the call tonight for the 1st time since I joined but I always feel so good afterward and I knew I’d regret it. These people are a big part of my tribe and it’s important to spend time together. We all need that in our lives since being a writer can be a lonely business. I’m going to leave you now and go make sure that my laptop is going to be cooperative and, of course, turn on all my twinkle lights. They always make me happy!
Day 95: I’m a Pantser
There, I’ve said it…I am a pantser when writing. I have tried to outline and do all of the other “technical” things that non-pantsers do when starting their book. I don’t do character sketches or plan my story arc or do an outline or anything else that would probably make life easier. I just sit myself down and I write. And that usually works well for me…until it doesn’t. I am facing a fairly major rewrite on Rapture. When I started writing my book, I had a vague idea of how it would all work. I knew my characters very well because I had role-played them for about 6 months and the forum in which I played required you to write detailed backgrounds for your characters before you began playing. When the game came to an end, I decided that the characters should live on in a book. So, I sat down and just started writing. The story flowed so easily from my brain to my hand to my computer that it felt like I was more of a conduit than a writer. My muse was extremely generous. Until she wasn’t. After my book was optioned, everything began to change. I was having to put in more hours at work, my mother’s Alzheimer’s went into high gear and she was hospitalized a lot during that time for other medical issues so I was spending all day working and all night at the hospital with her, my publisher wanted to change directions with my book and I didn’t agree so we parted ways, my physical and mental health declined because of the stress and complete lack of sleep, etc… Rapture was put away because there was literally no time for it. I would occasionally take it out and write a little but for the very first time, I had to actually pry every single word from my brain. My conduit had been blocked off and nothing was flowing. From that point on, most of what I wrote felt wrong. There’s still some great stuff in there that I will salvage and plug in somewhere else but everything around those scenes feels false. I’ve decided that I am going to sit myself down and work the story out on paper…more of a timeline than an outline…then go back to the point where the writing stopped flowing and start editing. It’s not technically writing but it is forward momentum so I’m okay with that. Moving forward slowly is still progress. I know that this is going to be a fairly long and involved process because I am not going to force or rush it. That’s how I originally painted myself into this corner. I don’t want to just end up in a different corner. So, I will plod thru my dissection of Rapture until all the bad parts are gone, the good parts are ready to drop into the appropriate spots, and my manuscript is whole. No one really spends a lot of time telling writers about when good manuscripts go bad. They do tell you about how a good outline will keep this type of thing from happening. Personally, I think that’s only partially true. Even if I’d had an outline, I would have still been trying to force it to work and that’s usually not successful. I’m not saying that outlines are worthless because they do work for a large number of extremely successful writers. What I am saying is that there are circumstances where they cannot save your story. In my situation, it was similar to when you try to force a piece of a puzzle into a spot where it does not belong. Yes, you can force it into that spot but it isn’t going to complete the picture and it’s going to ruin that piece and the pieces that surround it. So you basically ruin the whole puzzle. I am ready to reconstruct my puzzle but first I have to find all of the pieces that I forced to fit. I’m not exactly thrilled by the thought of doing this but at least I no longer dread it. So, I’m taking baby steps in the right direction. And that’s all that matters.
“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.” ~ Stephen King
“In writing and living, sometimes you must destroy what you like to get what you love.” ~ William Faulkner
Day 95: What If…
What if I didn’t have a career that required more ten+ hour days than eight hour days? What if I didn’t have three sleep disorders that force me to be at the mercy of three medications that my neurologist/sleep expert has prescribed after years of trial and error to get just the right meds and dosages? What if I didn’t have other health issues that sometimes take control of my life? What if I didn’t have a husband, six cats, three dogs, and two colonies of feral/stray cats that I care for before and after work? Do you see where I’m going with all of this? We all have situations in our lives that interfere with our writing time and seem to have more control over us than we have over them. And most of them are never going to just magically move out of our way so that we can spend more time writing. So we have to get creative with our time. Use the time that you are waiting for appointments to do a character sketch. Get a voice recorder or use your cell phone during your commute to talk through a plot hole you found in your book. Keep a notebook and pen close 24/7…on your nightstand, on your desk, in your purse/pocket…for those fleeting ideas that you have. Write during your work breaks and at lunch. There are ways to do it, you just have to figure them out. Sit down and make a list of things over which you have little to no control and then start getting creative. And think totally out of the box. Your first round of solutions don’t even have to make sense. Have some fun with it. Then start paring the list down until you get to some real, workable solutions that you can implement. Then start looking at everything else in your life that you actually let interfere with your writing, then make another list of what you are willing to stop doing so that you can use that time for writing. No, it’s not an easy task but it’s one that’s well worth your time. Every minute that you use for something else is a minute that you’re not writing. I’m not saying that you need to become a monk and never have any fun or leave the house but you need to become more aware of the time you use for other things. And if you’re using those things as an excuse to not write. Just some things to consider. You know your life and what it entails, so mine it for some extra writing time. It’s there…you just have to find it.
Day 94: What 2019 Holds in Store for Us
I want to say that 2019 holds all of the magic, wonder, love, success, and dreams made true but I can’t stop there. On the way to all of those things, there will likely be disappointments, struggles, failures, and more of the negative things that we resolved to leave behind in 2018. But, the thing is, if we do have those negative things in our lives, it means that we are actively working toward the positive things that we were hoping would happen for us in 2019. There are going to be more trial and error situations than we’d like but that’s how everything great happens in the world. The vast majority of artists, writers, businessmen, and scientists didn’t get where they were without trials and errors. They experimented, failed, made adjustments, failed, more adjustments and finally, they succeeded. We writers have to first find our voice and that can take a lot of writing. We experiment with genres, writing styles, plotting, character development, story arcs, and so on and so forth. Sure there are a few successful writers out there that woke up one day and decided to write a book, wrote that book, and got it published without going through these stages but they are very few and far between. The rest of us struggle, fail, struggle, and eventually succeed. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with going through the fail cycle more than a few times. From every failure, you learn something and grow. The key is to never stop. I know that every single time we hit that wall and have to backtrack to figure out why we failed this time, it can be devastating…especially when we thought that this time we had succeeded. If you are like me, as a writer, you have a couple of goals…write a good book, story, poem, etc…, and get it published. We can never give up on that dream. If we do, we will spend the rest of our lives feeling incomplete and like a failure. What if that next rewrite was THE rewrite…the one that agents and publishers were waiting for? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering about that? I don’t. I’d rather spend the rest of my life working toward something than dreaming about it and knowing that it will never happen because I gave up. If I fail at something, I want to fail knowing that I worked my ass off for it rather than just gave up. I’ve been a quitter and it pretty much sucked. There was not a day that went by that I didn’t think about Rapture while it sat in a file folder out of sight. It ate away at me. It didn’t just make me feel like a failure and a quitter…I was a failure and a quitter because I gave up on my dream. Well, I might fail again in 2019 but it won’t be because I gave up and quit. I am going to finish my book and if I get a stack of rejection letters, so be it…at least I tried! And there’s always 2020.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” ~ J. K. Rowling
Day 93: Beautiful Day
What a gorgeous day it is here in Texas. Two days ago, we had 30° temperatures and icy weather wrapped in complete gloom all around us. Today and the next three days, it’s supposed to get up to around 70° with lots of sunshine…then we will descend back into the colder gloomier weather again. That’s Texas…don’t like the weather then wait a minute. So I am taking advantage of the beautiful sunshine coming through the windows in my Magical Writing Haven and once the temperature is warmer, I’ll slide my window open to let in the fresh air. It all makes me happy and I feel ready to tackle my writing goals. I’ve got my Paddywax John Steinbeck (smoked birch and amber) candle burning, I have music playing, and I am ready! Just a quick side note, check out the Paddywax Library Collection on Amazon. I have John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe, and Jane Austin so far and I love all of them. They have a nice collection of authors from which to choose. They are reasonably priced, hand poured in the USA soy candles. And no, I’m not being paid by anyone to say this. I just really love these candles and the fact that they have literary connotations. Now back to my post. Yesterday I wrote about feeling like a failure on Thursday night because I had a massive headache and couldn’t write and how I turned my thinking around by shutting down my Inner Critic. Today feels full of possibilities and I am more motivated than I have been in a very long time. This beautiful day is a motivator and is symbolic of what I can accomplish if I just put the effort into whatever I want to do. It has filled me with hope and joy and I am so grateful for it and what it’s inspired in me. The possibilities are wide open and I’m ready to take advantage of them and make them real, concrete things. What a difference a couple of days and a warm sunny day make! And a wonderfully scented John Steinbeck candle.
“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Day 92: Sometimes It’s Out of Our Control
Yesterday evening, just as I was getting ready to leave work, my head began to hurt. Nothing too bad, just one of those headaches that’s not quite a full-on headache…more annoying than anything else. So I figured that I would go home, eat dinner and then write. But those plans changed. I don’t know if it was being out in the 30° night air after having been in dry heated air all day or what but my nuisance headache started building as I drove home. By the time I got to the house, fed my strays/ferals, and got inside, it had reached its zenith. I took some Aleve with the hope of salvaging my writing time then ate dinner. By the time I finished eating, it was obvious that the headache had dug in and wasn’t going to magically go away. I still took out a notebook and pen and tried to write something but wrote only a few lines before just giving up because my eyes didn’t want to focus. I was angry with myself because I had set my goals and here I was, 3 days in and I wasn’t writing or even working on my planner so that I had a blueprint for those goals. I sat there and just felt defeated. I kept thinking that I was going to waste this year like I’d wasted the last 10 years…making plans and not following through with them. I felt like a failure. I sat there like that for about 30 minutes until I realized that all the failure talk was coming from my overactive Inner Critic that just lies in wait for anything that it can glom onto and then beats me down with it. My Inner Critic’s one and only job is to make sure that I fail. It finds an area where I’m vulnerable and it just hammers away at it until I either let it win or I stand up to it and tell it to shut the hell up. I’ve spent the last 10 years letting it win more times than not, letting it convince me that I am a failure, and then failing. But over the last 6 months, I have been fighting back and making real progress so my Inner Critic had to up its game. There was nothing I could do about last night nor does one night make me a failure or negate all of the progress that I’ve made or that I am going to continue to make this year. If I let my IC win even one battle, my odds of reverting back to the “I am a failure” mode increase. So I have to dig in and stand my ground. The biggest battle that we, as creatives, fight is within ourselves. We let our IC and self-doubt get the best of us and we let ourselves believe things that really are not true. Some people have a fear of failing while others have a fear of succeeding. Both of those fears come from the same place…our Inner Critic. We have to pay a lot more attention to our Inner Wise Self and a lot less to our Inner Critic. It’s like those old cartoons where the devil is on one shoulder telling the person what to do and the angel is on the other shoulder trying to convince them to do the right thing. It’s time to start listening to the angel. It’s time to take the Inner Critic’s power away from it. It’s time to succeed. Listen to your angel.
“Start early and work hard. A writer’s apprenticeship usually involves writing a million words (which are then discarded) before he’s almost ready to begin. That takes a while.” ~ David Eddings
Inspired Writer 