Day 178: Ebb & Flow

Ebb and flow tells us that things happen in their own time…things are taken away and things are given.  There are things that we as humans have absolutely no control over.  Many times we think that we have that control, but we really do not and that feeling of control will die away only after we are taught the harsh lesson of “you have absolutely no control” by the universe.  Maybe that lesson will come in the form of an illness or a tragic accident or a senseless act of violence.  33 years ago last week, I was taught that extremely harsh lesson when my fiance was killed in a plane crash.  He was there 1 minute and gone the next.  16 years ago last week, I was in a very bad head-on collision and fractured my pelvis, broke several ribs, and my clavicle.  I was 1 gigantic bruise.  And, of course, my car was demolished.  I had always felt like I had at least a modicum of control while driving and even when I saw that truck heading right at me in my lane, I still felt that way as I moved to the far right lane.  But the universe said, “haha” and he went to that lane as well.  Who knows why, but he did.  To this day, I still worry about opposing traffic.  In my life, I’ve had 4 cars totaled by men in trucks…1 rear-end collision while I was sitting at a stop sign and the truck was going between 65mph – 75mph, t-boned twice on my side, and the head-on collision.  But the head-on collision was the 1 that took my feeling of being in control away from me.  Maybe this whole ebb and flow thing is why I keep procrastinating about finishing Rapture.  Maybe the fear of being rejected or of not being good enough or of poor book sales or of bad reviews is what’s stopping me.  People and things have been yanked away from me with little to no warning…why not this dream of mine?  As long as my book is in limbo, I don’t have to worry about any of those things.  But the second I sit down to actually work on the book, I’m moving closer to fulfilling my goal and closer to possible failure and I hit that proverbial brick wall.  The thing is, I erected that freaking wall so I obviously have the ability to tear it the hell down.  I just have to get past the fear of failure.  I also have to think about the fact that by not completing Rapture, I am ensuring my failure as a writer.  Maybe that’s my way of having control.  Who knows?  All I do know is that since we can’t control the external ebb and flow, we need to just accept that and move forward.  We can’t relinquish control of the things that are ours to control.  And we can’t be afraid to move forward and head toward our dreams full speed ahead.  We owe that to ourselves.          

About Donna Heilman

I am a writer that lives in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex with my husband, 3 dogs, and 6 cats. I am currently working on my novel, Rapture, as well as writing poetry and some short non-fiction. I am honestly writing this blog to feel more connected with other creative people.
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1 Response to Day 178: Ebb & Flow

  1. I often wonder if there is a secret portal to see in to the universe’s plan. If I find it you can join me.

    Liked by 1 person

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