Day 114: 1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

Yesterday, in spite of oversleeping, I managed to get all of my tarot, oracle, and angel cards arranged more or less the way I want them to be…but that arrangement will evolve over time as most things in my life usually do.  I did a little rearranging in my Magical Writing Haven as well.  Sounds great, right?  Well, I noticed a stack of notebooks a lower shelf of one of my bookshelves and, unfortunately, decided to check them out.  Well, they were a wealth of writing information that I have been collecting over the last ten years or so…online classes that I’ve taken, downloaded information and worksheets, etc….  HUGE notebooks.  I brought them into my Haven and they are sitting here on one of my tables and there is absolutely no place to put them where they will be out of the way.  This is is the story of my life.  I get things exactly the way that I want them then someone, somewhere yells, “PLOT TWIST”.  Sometimes it’s a good thing and other times it’s definitely not.  Even though I don’t particularly enjoy change, especially change that I did not instigate, I have become fairly adaptive.  It’s happened in relationships (friendships, family, love, and sexual), a first marriage that turned extremely abusive, jobs, college majors, passions, etc….  Basically, every possible area that you can think of in my life has been subject to these changes.  Even my mind…it changes directions more than anything else does.  I know that it’s partially because of my ADHD but I can’t blame it for everything.  One of the things I love and hate about myself is that I love to learn and to get into new things but, as benign as that sounds, it is a slightly crazy side of me.  When I decide that I want to learn or do something new, I dive into the deep end and completely immerse myself in it.  I buy every book, read everything that I can find online, I enroll in classes, etc…, then I eventually move on to something else.  Odds are though, that I will at some point return to the original interest at a later date.  It makes me a little crazy though.  It’s also one of the reasons that I don’t have my degree.  I have gotten within a couple of semesters of finishing my accounting, religion, and legal studies degrees and a double major in social rehab and psychology.  I have even studied sign language for a couple of years in college when I was thinking about becoming an interpreter.  Why did I never graduate…because every single degree required a public speaking class and I absolutely cannot do that.  A couple of years ago, my then therapist, offered to give me a written diagnosis of severe anxiety and would speak with any school at which I chose to continue my degree.  At that time I really didn’t have the time for school and now with all of the reputable online colleges and universities that I’m sure don’t have that public speaking requirement, there are other options to pursue.  Right now I am concentrating on my writing and studying my oracle, tarot, and angel cards so I think I’ll probably not be too concerned about finishing any of my degrees right now.  I’m trying to just stay on track with those two things for now.  I have to keep my wandering mind contained for a while.  But right now, I have to go take care of my outdoor critters before it gets too dark and the raccoons come out and scavenge their food.      


About Donna Heilman

I am a writer that lives in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex with my husband, 2 dogs, and 10 cats. I am currently working on my novel, Rapture, as well as writing poetry and some short non-fiction. I am honestly writing this blog to feel more connected with other creative people.
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