Day 40: Freeing Ourselves from Our Backstory

One day in my twenties, I had the realization that at some point we have to take complete responsibility for our lives and our choices.  We can blame anyone we want for the things that are screwed up in our lives.  We can talk all day about how circumstances doomed up.  Did my parents give me everything that I needed to be able to become a writer?  No.  Were my circumstances ideal?  Not really.  Did those things hold me back?  Probably, to a degree.  Can I, at 58 years of age, still blame everything on my parents and my earlier circumstances?  Sure, but what purpose does that serve?  Well, none, but it takes all the blame off of me for not being where I want to be in my life.  That, my friend, is bullshit.  Our parents could have done a horrendous job of raising us and our circumstances could have been dire but at some point in our lives, we must take responsibility for ourselves…for our failures and our successes.  We have the ability to untangle ourselves from our backstory and I promise you that it is one of the most freeing things you’ll ever do.  It’s so easy to blame others but what does that get you?  An excuse.  And what does an excuse get you?  Pretty much nothing.  All the time and effort that we put into the blame game could be used so much more constructively.  The second you became an official adult and moved out of your parents’ house you should have begun distancing yourself from the parental blame game.  No one had perfect parents.  No one grew up in ideal circumstances.  But those things are your past so stop making them your future.  Leave them behind along with your excuses.  Move forward with your life and your writing.  If you fail at something, get up, wipe yourself off, and be determined to do better next time.  If you succeed at something, be proud and accept the accolades.  This is your life so make it what you want it to be.  Nothing can hold you back as long as you don’t let it.  Not even your past.  So, stop playing the blame game, take responsibility for where you are in life, and then take aim at what you want.  It’s inside you…it’s always been inside you so don’t give up now.         

“Healing comes from taking responsibility; to realize that it is you – and no one else – that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.” ~ Peter Shepherd   

About Donna Heilman

I am a writer that lives in Irving, TX with my husband, 3 dogs, and 5 cats. I am currently working on my novel, Rapture, as well as writing poetry and some short non-fiction. I am honestly writing this blog to feel more connected with other creative people.
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